There is no doubt that this is one of those times in life that feels like a struggle. Part of the struggle is indeed my own. I feel pulled in bazillion different directions and like no matter which direction I run in, I am going the wrong way. Part of the struggle is also watching a loved with Alzheimer’s disintegrate slowly day by day and it is truly agonizing. It is hard on our whole family, and Moira particularly struggles with it.
A few weeks ago we were at the library, and saw a sign up for a workshop on arm knitting an infinity scarf. “Let’s do this Moira!” I pictured bonding time, laughter, and a beautiful keepsake to take home. We signed up. We ventured into the Yarn Barn and bought expensive and beautiful yarn. We giggled and looked forward to our evening out.
You know how sometimes the picture in your head and reality are different? This was one of those times. Arm knitting is complicated, involves many knots, stitches, and intricate hand gestures. I could tell by the look on Moira’s face that the hand gestures she was thinking of were not the kind needed for knitting. Someone at the table said, “It’s like math, confusing and hard to understand until you finally get it.” That’s all we needed to hear. The M word drove us out. Moira untangled herself, threw her balls of soft, beautiful yarn in a bag and we fled the library.
To salvage the evening, I offered a Dunkins hot chocolate and a cruller. On our way, we saw the most amazing sunset. We pulled over and sat quietly looking at the sky, the blend of the dark and the light, the clouds and clear, brilliant, fading twilight. If we hadn’t left the library, we would have missed that mystical moment together.
We got our hot chocolate. We laughed, we bonded, and we even came home with a keepsake photo. You know how sometimes the picture in your head and reality are different? This was one of those times. And reality turned out to be so much better.